What a way to start off my poker carreer. On a downswing.

The dreaded variance has hit me on the worst time possible. I don't rely on luck to win in poker games, i use the edge. But it seems that luck beats me. In the last few days, i have gone all in with the best hand (or at least the best hand pre-flop) and raised 5x, 10x, 15x the big blinds only to get called by worse hands and then they beat me. Because of this, i have burned through almost 50% of my bankroll.

I raise 400 with J-J when everyone limped to me, and i get called by Q-T, Q comes on the flop. He checks, i push.

My Q-T against Q-6, Q on the flop. i bet 1000 to scare away any draw, and get called. 6 on the turn.

My K-Q hitting two pair on the turn with a possible flush on the board, i bet 1000. I get called, and the river produces the 4th heart on the board, and i get pushed all-in. of course i folded.

I get J-T suited, hit top pair. Guy checks, i Bet, i get called. A straight draw comes out for me on the turn, guy checks, i bet double my last bet, i get called. River is blank, guy checks, i bet 4x, i get called. Guy flips over Pocket Aces, which he limped in.

i hate bad beat stories and i don't like telling them either. But i just had to let these out of my system. i havent made a flush, a straight, or even just a set in the last several games i have played. This is one of the worst downswings i have ever experienced ever since i have been playing poker. Not only does it suck the life out of my bankroll but it doesnt help my confidence and morale too, especially now that it means so much to me to win the games i play.

But then again, my experience has made me emotionally detached from bad beats and downswings. I come into my next game with the same mindset and the same game strategy. i will always be ahead when i pushing my chips in the middle, and i will not let the bad beats get into my head. But i have to admit, it does take it's toll. It's hard.

i just hope that my next game will be more successful. My poker life hangs in the balance. IF i still lose, i'm facing a tough uphill battle to recover the losses.

Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Stu Ungar, the only 3-time Champion of the WSOP main event, and arguably the best cardplayer to walk the earth.

"It's hard work, gambling, playing poker. Don't let anyone tell you different. Think about what it's like to sit at a poker table with people whose only goal is to cut you throat, take away your money, and leave you out back talking to yourself about what went wrong inside. That probably sounds harsh, but that's the way it is at the poker table. if you dont believe me, then your'e the lamb going off to the slaughter."